20 Funny Quotes and Sayings and Funny Inspirational Quotes | Funny Quotes

1.) Steve Martin said that happiness in our life is as important as sunshine in our day.

Happiness in our life is as important as sunshine in our day.

A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, YOU KNOW, NIGHT.

2.) Abraham Lincoln said that liars are never successful, it doesn’t matter how better efforts they made.

Liars are never successful, it doesn't matter how better efforts they made.

NO MAN HAS A GOOD ENOUGH MEMORY TO BE A SUCCESSFUL LIAR.

3.) Reba McEntire said that if you want to achieve success then you have to carry funny bone always with you.

If you want to achieve success then you have to carry funny bone always with you.

TO SUCCEED IN LIFE, YOU NEED THREE THINGS: A WISHBONE, A BACKBONE, AND A FUNNY BONE.

4.) Will Rogers said that it’s always funny till when it’s happening to others.

It's always funny till when it's happening to others.

EVERYTHING IS FUNNY, AS LONG AS IT’S HAPPENING TO SOMEBODY ELSE.

5.) Chris Rock said that women only need food, water, and compliments in her life and nothing else.

Women only need food, water, and compliments in her life and nothing else.

THERE ARE ONLY THREE THINGS WOMEN NEED IN LIFE: FOOD, WATER, AND COMPLIMENTS.

  • My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
  • What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing “K” instead of “Okay.”
  • Smile today and cry tomorrow.
  • Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before going bed?
  • An apple a day keeps anyone anyway if you throw it hard enough.
  • Before talking please connect your tongue to the brain.
  • Don’t mess with me, I know karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words.
  • Do you ever just like flex your foot wrong and it cramps and you’re just like this is it, this is how it ends.
  • I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring, but when I immediately call back, it rings 9 times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
  • If Cinderella’s shoe fits perfectly, then why did it fall off?
  • If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
  • Turning down the music in your car when looking for a street sign because you think it will somehow make you see it better.
  • Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
  • My life is just like Rihanna’s new song. Work, work, work and the rest of it, I can’t really understand.
  • The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order.
  • If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.
  • I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
  • In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.
  • His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
  •  Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.
  • After five days in the hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
  • He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigshot. He that dare not is a slave.
  • This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
  • Some people just have a way with words, and other people … oh … not have the way.
  • I don’t want to brag, but I do speak pig Latin; I mean, I’m not fluent, but I’m sure if I ever went there, I could get by.
  • I and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
  • Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.
  • The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
  • Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re to replace us.
  • Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.
  • We have federal regulations and state laws that prohibit hunting ducks with more than three rounds. And yet it’s legal to hunt humans with 15-round, 30-round, even 150-round magazines.
  • Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes.
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • Remeber, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
  • My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, “WOOF!” The other replies, “MOO!” The dog is perplexed. “MOO? Why did you say ‘MOO’?” The other dog says, “I’m trying to learn a foreign language.”
  • Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
  • Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.
  • When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
  • I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
  • Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
  • As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
  • There are kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
  • As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. ( John Glenn )
  • When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
  • I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
  • A day without a laughter is a day wasted.
  • The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
  • People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
  • Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
  • Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have the trust issue.

We live in a world where people loathe external validation. They try to live their life to impress others. What they don’t realize is that they are actually hurting themselves. Because when you try to impress others, you’re going to forget who you truly are.

You should be working on what makes you happy, not what someone else told you to do. The only person that you should try to impress is yourself. Set new goals and push through boundaries. You weren’t put here to try and impress others. Every minute of your life is important to you. You have 24 hours with you, it’s enough time to do but it depends on how better efforts you’ve made and how much better you utilize the time. There are many different kinds of things like funny sayings, funny quotes about life, short funny quotes, fun quotes, and some funny phrases, which make you feel happy for that time but will also make you realize that you are playing with your life and wasting your time.

You have to make a drastic change in yourself as there comes a day that your life is making fun of yours, then the day is not so far that others will also start making fun of you and you’ll be in the continuity of this all. A goal and a wish were not the same things. A wish is a hopeful thought, a goal is a vision that has a timeline on which you are working towards your every damn day. It’s time to forget all the wishes and bullsh*ts goals. The next goal you make, make it for 90 days and then make monthly, weekly and daily mini-goals. And by completing them every damn day, you will destroy your main goal.

What fills your conversation day to day? Analyze this part of your life… most people claim they do not like to gossip, yet when the opportunity presents itself, they jump right in! And the reason why is that they lack priorities. People aiming for the top in life DO NOT have the time to gossip… and even more so, they DO NOT care about it. What they do care about is their vision and their ideas that they can bring into reality… action step: cut the crap from your daily conversations and focus on your goals.

That’s how lions do it and you are in the process of becoming one of the few lions in the world populated by sheep. There are two types of people in this world. Those who work on their dreams and those who have dreams about their dreams. Which one are you going to be? We each have a choice for how our life is going to turn out. You should never put the responsibility for your life on someone else. Are they going to help you when you need it? No, you need to realize that this is your life and you must take 100% responsibility for where you are. Life is as beautiful as you see it and as amazing as you experience it.

 

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